Category Archives: Tales told by an idiot

So an Embryo being freed

So an Embryo, being freed from that vegetable life which it enjoyed in the mother’s womb, obtains another more perfect life, by its birth and coming into the light of the world.

They wasn’t sure what to make of themselves. They’d been inflated with self esteem but no overflow valve.

Any idiot could see they were living in a fantasy world of their own makings.

But they had seminal endearing properties. Two bits on the barrelhead. Time for cheese and crackers.

Peanuts, popcorn, cracker jacks

Anyone could see he was a nut. The first thing he said to her, I will plow your field like a Ukranian, or my name is not Cashew Gesundheit.

When pressed, he would sweat Oil of Olay. More than enough to choke a moose. But it was like out of the frying pan and like into the fire. He came out white as a ghost.

Suppose your autonomous vehicle

Suppose your autonomous vehicle was driving down the road, with you in the back seat checking watching Youtube, and the vehicle chanced upon an unusual situation, where it would have to kill either:

  • The Archbishop of Canterbury, Jack the Ripper, and a tribe of Zulus, thus destroying the British Empire
  •  Five random Wallstreet Bankers, to the mortification of their capital gains
  • Jesus Christ, Mother Theresa, Abraham Lincoln, and Martin Luther
  • or you

Who would sign the victim statement? Who would inherit your fortune cookies?

Hand me my slide rule and my procrastinator. I will tell you in a New York minute.

So sorry for the hard on


Just trying to poke a hole in your impregnable logic. Hooded ounces, said Buffon, cling to the driven hind during the the last turn of the screw. The carpenter nailed his brick of mormolite duing these drying times. A jobber’s douzen of bases balked from here to eternity.

This has been a panty raid. Jeepers creepers, pardon my french, my fellow friend of freedom. And pass the twig of prosperity to Saint Eskimo. Exximo. Let me get this strait, you get the next.

Jesus had no nest, he had no nid to reside. He had all of the fertile crescent on the upside of his head and looked down on the rest of the world.

If I could just make one child smile, I would dig a hole to middle earth and bury a hoard of hobbits. If I could just spring yon mouse out of his trap which I set, I would sing hossanahs in triplicate to the appropriate authorities. If I could save the life of one riscotted mosquito, I would make a pilgrimage to the peaks of the Hindu Kush. If I ever receive the medal of honor, I will give thanks to the presidents and all their bankers. Backers. Back benchers. Back to the landers. Lantern bearers. Mummblers of the omlet in search of the horninest man. Our own Genghis Kahn. Check your genes at the gate to gain root.

Ignore the preceding transpositions at your peril. We have fired our spell checkers. Witches in cheap clothing. From the sally ann.

Any man

Any man would be tickled pink to have a double birdsbath of hands in the bush when he was two bits shy of a full deck in the dark of the moon. The salt of the earth.

Tickling the domains

The restraining apparatus was tested against the death-defying acts of the apostles in the wind tunnels at General Dynamics.

Man cannist nicht who kennist breast. As they used to say in the Canaries, in the time of Camille Lepopardus, born with two left feet and the eye of a needle.

Surreptitious self-driving cars hit the road

Late Wednesday, Tesla’s CEO Elon Musk announced that the company would be adding its own hardware to all new Tesla cars to allow up to Level 5 autonomy. In the automotive industry, Level 5 denotes a fully self-driving vehicle. Musk said that it would be some time before Tesla’s software would advance to meet capabilities of the new hardware available, which the company is calling “Hardware II.”

Still, the CEO stressed that all new cars would come with the new hardware suite, even if the software isn’t activated.

The hardware includes eight cameras for a 360° view, 12 ultrasonic sensors, “forward-facing radar with advanced processing,” a retro-entabulator, and an Nvidia Titan GPU that’s capable of 12 trillion operations per second.

mushroom bodies

The mushroom bodies or corpora pedunculata are a pair of structures in the brain of insects and other arthropods. They are also known to play a role in olfactory learning and memory. In most insects, the mushroom bodies and the lateral horn are the two higher brain regions that receive olfactory information from the antennal lobe via projection neurons.